Parenting Preschoolers with a Purpose, Setting the Table

Children to Help Around House

By MVParents
June 30, 2009

Vacuums don’t clean houses. People clean houses.
–Lew Schneider, American writer

If you wish your child helped out more at home, you’re not alone. According to research from Arizona State University, the four most common tensions about household chores include parents wishing kids would:

(1) clean their rooms,

(2) pick up their dirty clothes,

(3) put their dirty dishes in the sink, and

(4) hang up wet towels. The same research study also found that kids between the ages of 6 and 18 do about 12 percent of household chores-leaving 88 percent to the parents. How can you get everyone to help with household chores? Consider these ideas.

Tips for All Parents

• Create a chore list: list all the chores that need to be done and when, and then divide family chores up between family members. Or create a job jar: list chores one by one on slips of paper, fold them, and put them in a jar. Then have family members choose a piece of paper and get to work.
• Set aside a time when everyone does chores together, such as a Saturday morning or a part of a Saturday afternoon. Explain that everyone will do chores at the same time and no one can do anything else until all the chores are completed. Encourage family members to help each other out to get chores finished sooner.
• Be patient. Very few people enjoy doing chores, so expect kids to take short cuts and not always complete a chore to your liking. Continue having high expectation but don’t expect kids to start out with enthusiasm or great mastery.
• Talk about why doing household chores is important. Chores keep your home clean and enjoyable. They teach responsibility and help you make decisions. You can take pride in doing a job well, and everyone in a family is happier when everyone does his or her share.

Parents with children ages birth to 5

• Find chores that are age appropriate for your kids. For example, get a big feather duster and let your child dust. Or let your child set the table by placing the silverware next to place settings. For more ideas, view short video in our video section.
• Encourage kids to pick up after themselves. Use a toy bucket and make time every day for you and your child to pick up the toys and place them in the bucket.
• Stick with kids during chore times. They often get distracted by other things and need reminding to stay on task. They’re also more likely to finish their tasks if you work side by side with them.

Parents with Children ages 6 to 9

• Place your child in charge of the chores during chore time. If you have a job jar, let your child choose one slip of paper to give to each family member. Then ask your child what advice he or she has before everyone starts.
• Make chore time fun by playing music. You can also learn and sing the song “Whistle While You Work,” from the movie Snow White.
• Figure out ways that kids can help out with parts of chores. For example, show kids where each family member’s sock drawer is. Then when the laundry is folded, have your kids put each family member’s socks away.

Parents with children ages 10 to 15

• Teach your child more complex household chores as they grow. For example, 10- and 11-year-olds can learn how to strip the bed and put the sheets and pillowcases into the chute or laundry hamper. Teach 13- to 15-year olds how to do laundry.
• If you have a yard, teach kids how to help with outside chores, such as raking leaves, pulling weeds, shoveling snow, and mowing the lawn. Kids are more likely to stick with chores if family members are out doing them together.
• Talk about how household chores and homework are important responsibilities. Even if you don’t enjoy doing them, it’s often helpful to do these tasks first and then have fun later. Or if there are too many chores (or too much homework), do some for 30 minutes, take a break for 30 minutes, and then come back and do some more.

Parents with children ages 16 to 18

• If it seems to you that your older teenager does fewer chores at this age then at a younger age, you are not alone. According to Arizona State University research, the amount of household chores done by this age group declines sharply due to more challenging schoolwork, more complex schedules, part-time jobs, and other demanding activities. Some parents allow older teenager to do fewer household chores as long as they keep their grades up and are involved in other activities. Other parents believe that older teenagers still need to participate in a few household chores. For more insights from the research study, read The Chore of Chores.
• If your teenager gets into a money jam (such as dropping his iPod into the toilet and completely ruining it) and you don’t want your teenager to get a job, consider creating household chores for your teenager to do for money. Instead of choosing everyday chores (such as washing dishes or picking up the house), figure out special projects, such as cleaning out a closet and donating things you don’t use to Goodwill, helping to erect a trellis, or digging up a new flower bed outside.
• Older teenagers usually can’t wait to be an adult. Make it clear that responsibilities go hand in hand with the freedoms of adulthood. For example, maybe you require your 18 year old to do his or her wash each week. Or maybe you insist that your 18 year old has to cook for the family once a week. Be creative, but be consistent.

© 2009. All Rights Reserved, Search Institute. Legal.

Source: MVParents

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

Allie Finkle’s Rules for Girls: Moving Day

By Meg Cabot
July 1, 2009

 

If you like books that are fun and have many silly jokes, then Allie Finkle’s Rules for Girls: Moving Day is the book for you.  A book filled with lots of drama from Allie and her friends, many laughs and of course, rules.

Allie has one friend named Marry Kay. Allie’s not that crazy about her; she really wants a new best friend.  But when Allie wanted a change, her parents gave her one. The secret was that they were moving.

Allie wasn’t surprised. Her mom had wanted to test out her home improvement skills on an old house that she could restore. Their current house was already redone. Allie didn’t mind moving at first, but soon she did.

Moving means new friends, new school, new house, new everything. When Allie moves, she will also have to deal with the challenge of being the new girl. Allie wanted a change, but not one as big as moving. Even though Allie wants a change (a new best friend) she likes her house and doesn’t want a new one.

The characters in the book have a good mix of personalities. Many of the characters are very different from each other, especially Allie and Mary Kay. Allie and her rules are fun. Some are silly, and some are ones that really make sense. For example, a silly one that Allie uses is “Never eat anything red.” A good rule that’s not very silly is “Treat your friends the way you’d want them to treat you.” There are many more rules in the book. Allie was very believable throughout the book. If she said something about moving, Mary Kay or school, you could definitely believe her. As I read the book, she almost felt like a best friend to me.

I enjoyed the book as every chapter added to a great story. The chapters weren’t short but they weren’t long and the story moved quickly without long descriptions. This is the first in a series, and it left me wanting to read the next book. I became so lost in the book that whenever I wasn’t reading it, I was talking about it.

I would recommend Allie Finkle’s Rules for Girls to all girls who love a good fun book with silly moments.

Source: Scholastic News Online

Editor’s Note: We would like to hear what you think? And if you read a book and you would like to do a review. You can contact us at dan@youngchronicle.com

Kids Caught Middle When You Fight

By Stephanie O’Neill,
Special to LifeScript
July 1, 2009

Madonna and Guy Ritchie. Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook. Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. Celebrity divorces may be juicy gossip, but the toll on them and their kids can be similar to what non-celebrity families experience.

These high-stakes splits serve to draw attention to a hotly debated form of emotional child abuse known as “parental alienation.” Mental health experts say such abuse occurs when one parent alienates a child against the other parent. It’s most apparent as a byproduct of hostile divorces, though it often starts in high-conflict marriages. How can you protect your child from a vindictive parent… or you?

We asked Dr. Richard Warshak, author of Divorce Poison (HarperCollins, 2001)…This phenomon reached its public peak in the Baldwin-Basinger custody battle, in which Baldwin famously left his daughter a voicemail message in which he called her a “rude, thoughtless little pig.” Basinger’s lawyers claimed the message was evidence of his inability to parent their pre-teen daughter. Baldwin, on the other hand, claimed his inappropriate words grew out of extreme frustration at his ex-wife’s long-term campaign to destroy his relationship with his daughter. In a public apology on his Web site, he wrote:

“I’m sorry, as everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child. I have been driven to the edge by parental alienation for many years now. You have to go through this to understand…”

If you’ve been through a divorce or a polarized marriage, it’s very likely that you’ve been either the perpetrator or the target of parental alienation on some level. But what exactly does that mean?

Given little attention until recent years, parental alienation is now recognized by a growing number of psychologists and courts as a form of emotional child abuse. Parents can commit it consciously or subconsciously, and it ranges in degree from mild (complaints to a child about a parent) to extreme and ongoing (severe, systematic brainwashing).

“What is washed out of their brains is any awareness of positive, loving feelings for a parent,” writes Warshak, an international parental alienation expert. “All that remains is a catalog of complaints … about a parent who, in the past, had been a source of love and comfort.”

When extreme vindictiveness by one parent toward another gets re-directed through the children they share, it can have devastating effects not only on children and parents, but on the extended family, too.

Warshak explains that when parents use their children as agents in a systematic campaign to destroy each other (most common during high-conflict custody battles), the consequences are nothing short of devastating. They often last well into the child’s adult life. He estimates that several million people are now victims of parental alienation and that the numbers are growing.

 

Common Traits of Alienation
While experts in the field continue to debate treatment, they agree on these four hallmarks of seriously alienated children under the influence of a vindictive parent.

1. The child displays disrespectful behavior.
Children may stop greeting or talking to the targeted parent, avoid eye contact and shun the parent and his or her family members. They may also disregard rules and boundaries set by the targeted parent.

In more serious cases, Warshak says, the child may go so far as to spit on a parent, act violently toward the parent and show disrespect by calling the targeted parent by their first name rather than “Mom” or “Dad.” The child may also show uncharacteristically high levels of contempt and cruelty to the alienated parent. Warshak says that the alienating parent typically promotes this behavior by championing it as the child’s right to express himself or herself.

 

2. The child’s behavior contrasts sharply with his or her past behavior.
Parental alienation is most obvious in cases where a child and parent have had a warm, loving relationship that for no rational reason ends or deteriorates severely. This is different from children who have a longstanding poor relationship with a parent or who have good cause to break ties with a parent, neither of which suggests parental alienation. “In some cases when children reject a parent they are doing so because of that parent’s behavior… and the child has a good reason,” Warshak tells LifeScript.

 

3. There is no rational basis for the behavior change.
“When you ask the children why they are behaving differently, they give very trivial reasons that just don’t add up,” Warshak says. In his book, he gives an example of a child who became estranged from her mother because the mother was “always telling me to brush my teeth.”

In the most extreme cases, children are encouraged by an alienating parent to lob unfounded allegations of abuse. A 1999 Florida Law Review article, citing a study of 700 high-conflict divorces over 12 years, found alienating parents commonly engaged in allegations of emotional abuse “presumably because physical abuse leaves visible evidence. It is, of course, much easier to falsely accuse someone of something that leaves no physical sign and has no third-party witnesses,” the article noted.

 

4. The child fears angering or wants to protect an alienating parent.
Alienating parents often overtly or covertly control the child by withholding love and approval or by playing the victim who needs protection from the other parent. The motivations and techniques are numerous, Warshak says, and they cross gender lines.

“If there is one underlying unity among parents who do this to children, it’s that they seem unwilling or unable to inhibit destructive behavior,” Warshak says. Often an alienating parent’s preoccupation with hurting the ex-spouse – or the spouse within a marriage – supercedes all rational behavior. “It’s as if they don’t have a clear sense that what their children need is different than what they need.”

What to Do If You’ve Been Targeted As a Parent You may feel tempted to lash back at a child whom you believe is being disrespectful and hurtful toward you. But as Baldwin – who was blocked from contacting his daughter after his outburst – learned, that’s the wrong thing to do.

 

1. Keep your cool.

“Getting angry with the child … is an understandable reaction because parents are not prepared for the level of mistreatment and contempt [from their child],” Warshak says. But not only is it hurtful to your child, it also confirms the message the alienating parent is giving him or her.

 

2. Drop the lectures.
When a child is programmed by one parent to disrespect the other, lectures on proper behavior fall on deaf ears. Worse, they diminish the time you could spend enjoying each other’s company. Minimize the attention you pay to your child’s poor behavior; instead, focus on positive things.

 

3. Acknowledge your child’s feelings.
When a child expresses emotions you suspect were planted by the other parent, don’t dismiss his or her feelings. It will only entrench the child’s alienation. Chances are, he’ll claim the feelings are his or her own and not the other parent’s. Instead, Warshak suggests, acknowledge the feelings when the child expresses them, but don’t allow them to take center stage. Respond by saying something like, “I can see that you don’t want to be here. But what can we do today that will be fun for both of us?”

 

4. Remain calm.
If your child tells you bad things your spouse or ex-spouse has said about you, don’t get upset and don’t bad-mouth him in return. Talking trash about parents scars children. Calmly ask children how they feel about the comments they heard and tell them you understand how painful and stressful it can be to hear such talk.

 

5. Don’t under-react.
“Many parents, following the advice of a therapist, will under-react by allowing children to repeat lies about [them],” Warshak says. A better solution: Help your child deal with the untruths and maintain as much custody time as possible with him or her.

“It’s important to express love and affection, despite the child’s denigration,” Warshak says. “Children who later reconcile [with the targeted parent] say the thing that helped them was to know that the parent never gave up on them despite how horribly [the targeted parent] was mistreated.”

Want to learn more? Get your own copy of Divorce Poison.

 

Are Your Kids Caught Between You and Your Ex?

There are few things more painful than losing a child to an angry ex-spouse intent on revenge at any cost. But identifying the signs of parental alienation and taking the correct action will help you avoid making matters worse. Take this parenting quiz to find out how to best protect you and your kids.

Source: Life Script

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

14 Year Old Girl Water for 13 hours

By AP
July 1, 2009

 

MORONI, Comoros –  A French official says the 14-year-old girl who is the only known survivor of a crashed Yemeni jetliner is headed home to Paris after being hospitalized in the Comoros with a fractured collarbone.

French minister Alain Joyandet said Wednesday that Bahia Bakari left this island nation on a chartered executive jet.

The Yemenia Airbus 310 jet was carrying 153 people when it went down in howling winds early Tuesday in the sea north of the Comoros Islands.

She is expected to be hospitalized immediately in Paris.

Despite a fractured collarbone, the teenage girl clung to the wreckage of the plane for more than 13 hours before rescuers found her floating in the Indian Ocean.

French officials late Wednesday retracted claims that one of the plane’s black boxes had been found. French Commander Bertrand Mortemard de Boisse told The Associated Press that a signal detected from the debris of Yemenia Flight IY626 was from a distress beacon and not from one of the plane’s black boxes.

The flight data and cockpit voice recorders in those black boxes are crucial to help investigators determine the cause of the crash off this former French colony.

An Associated Press reporter saw 14-year-old Bahia Bakari in a Comoros hospital Wednesday as she was visited by government officials. She was conscious with bruises on her face and gauze bandages on her right elbow and right foot. Her hair was pulled back and she was covered by a blue blanket but she gamely shook the hand of Alain Joyandet, France’s minister for international cooperation.

Her uncle, Joseph Yousouf, said Bahia also had a fracture on her collarbone.

“It is a true miracle. She is a courageous young girl,” Joyandet said, adding that Bahia held onto a piece of the plane from 1:30 a.m Tuesday to 3:00 p.m., then signaled a passing boat, which rescued her.

“She really showed an absolutely incredible physical and moral strength,” he said. “She is physically out of danger, she is evidently very traumatized.”

The girl was traveling with her mother, who is feared dead. They had left Paris on Monday night to see family in the Comoros.

“She’s asking for her mother,” Yousouf told the AP. For fear of upsetting Bahia, Yousouf told her that her mother is in the room next door.

Joyandet said the girl would be flown back to France on Wednesday night and put in a Paris hospital upon arrival. Two ambulances were seen leaving the hospital later Wednesday, and Bahia was believed to be on board.

The passengers were flying the last leg of a journey from Paris and Marseille to Comoros, with a stop in Yemen to change planes. Most of the passengers were from Comoros, sixty-six were French citizens.

The girl’s father told French radio that his oldest daughter could “barely swim” but managed to hang on. Kassim Bakari, who spoke with his oldest daughter by phone, said Bahia was ejected and found herself beside the plane.

“She couldn’t feel anything, and found herself in the water. She heard people speaking around her but she couldn’t see anyone in the darkness,” Bakari said on France’s RTL radio. “She’s a very timid girl, I never thought she would escape like that.”

Sgt. Said Abdilai told Europe 1 radio that Bahia was too weak to grasp the life ring rescuers threw to her, so he jumped into the sea to get her. He said rescuers gave the trembling girl warm water with sugar.

Said Mohammed, a nurse at El Mararouf hospital in the Comoros capital of Moroni, said the girl was doing well.

The crash a few miles off this island nation came two years after aviation officials reported equipment faults with the plane, an aging Airbus 310 flying the last leg of a Yemenia airlines flight from Paris and Marseille to the Comoros, with a stop in Yemen to change planes.

A top French official said the Airbus 310 crashed in deep water nine miles north of the Comoran coast and 21 miles from the Moroni airport.

The French air accident investigation agency BEA was sending a team of safety investigators and Airbus experts to Comoros, an archipelago of three main islands 1,800 miles south of Yemen, between Africa’s southeastern coast and the island of Madagascar.

A respected pilots group, the London-based International Federation of Air Line Pilots Association, said the plane may have been attempting a go-around in rough weather for another approach when it hit the sea.

The 9,558-feet long runway at Prince Said Ibrahim International Airport on Moroni island is adequate for modern airliners. But the airport is considered a difficult one for pilots due to prevailing weather conditions and hills to the east of the runway. Some airlines provide special training to pilots who need to fly in there.

Pilots coming in from the north also must land their planes visually and don’t have any all-weather instrument landing system to help them.

“The field in question is thought of as being challenging, and certain operators consider it a daytime-only airport,” said Gideon Ewers of the London-based pilots’ association.

The Yemenia plane was trying to land in the dark, about 1:30 in the morning, amid bad weather.

French and American teams carried out rescue operations Wednesday, fighting heavy seas. Abdul-Khaleq al-Qadi, chairman of Yemenia’s board, said the black boxes, once retrieved, will be taken to France for analysis.

Rescue boats plied the waters north of the main island and scores of people gathered on nearby beaches to watch.

“The search is continuing,” Joyandet said. “No other survivors have been found.”

A French military cargo plane flew over a zone 50 miles north of Grand Comoros Island, while two inflatable dinghies sent by French forces on La Reunion island combed waters closer to the coast.

“The sea is pretty rough at the present time, the wind is blowing hard and the drift is strong … there are any survivors, the bodies of the victims and the debris are drifting rapidly towards the north,” said Christophe Prazuck, spokesman for the French military.

Col. Dominique Fontaine, who is managing the rescue operations, said that no other plane debris has been found so far.

A tug arrived from the French island of Mayotte to recover survivors, corpses and debris, and a French frigate and another military ship headed to the scene.

The tragedy prompted an outcry in Comoros, where residents have long complained of a lack of seat belts on Yemenia flights and planes so overcrowded that passengers had to stand in the aisles.

French aviation inspectors found a “number of faults” in the plane’s equipment during a 2007 inspection, French Transport Minister Dominique Bussereau said. European Union Transport Commissioner Antonio Tajani said the airline had previously met EU safety checks but would now face a full investigation.

Al-Qadi said Yemenia airlines has decided to give the victims’ families $28,300 for each victim, describing it as “a preliminary decision.” The company also will pay for one person from each family to fly to Moroni to witness the search and rescue operation.

Disputing the French claim, he said maintenance was carried out regularly according to high standards.

“The crash has nothing to do with maintenance,” he told reporters in San’a, adding that the aircraft received maintenance just two months before under the supervision of an Airbus technical team.

“The company has been working for 42 years … what happened was out of (anyone’s) control,” al-Qadi said.

Airbus said the plane went into service 19 years ago, in 1990, and had accumulated 51,900 flight hours. It has been operated by Yemenia since 1999.

Source: Fox News

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

Nearly $6.5 million awarded

By Fisher House/PIO
July 1, 2009

Fisher House Foundation now sponsors a scholarship program for military spouses. The program is administered by the National Military Family Association.

Commissaries are an integral part of the quality of life offered to service members and their families. The Scholarships for Military Children Program was created in recognition of the contributions of military families to the readiness of the fighting force and to celebrate the role of the commissary in the military family community. It is the intent of the program that a scholarship funded through contributions be awarded annually for each commissary operated by the Defense Commissary Agency worldwide.

The Scholarships for Military Children Program is funded through the generosity of manufacturers and suppliers whose products are sold at military commissaries, worldwide. We encourage military families to take advantage of their commissary benefits that not only provide a savings of more than 30 percent on the products purchased, but also support the military community through programs such as this scholarship. The purchase of products from these companies fund the scholarship program.

The Fisher House^TM Foundation is honored to be involved with the Scholarships for Military Children Program. Fisher House^TM Foundation provides a “Home Away from Home” near military medical centers for families experiencing a personal medical crisis and is one of the premiere quality of life organizations supporting military families. The Foundation volunteered to underwrite the administration of this program.

One $1500 will be awarded at every commissary location where qualified applications are received. More than one scholarship per commissary may be available based on response and funding. The scholarship provides for payment of tuition, books, lab fees and room and board.

Learn more at www.militaryscholar.org

Source: Fisher House

Editor’ Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

The 6 Things That Can Hurt Others

By Grandparents/PIO
July 1, 2009

 

Even well-intentioned grandparents can put their feet in their mouths. We’ve identified six of the absolute worst things a grandparent can say, along with tips for saying the right thing at the right time.

 

1. I have the perfect name for the baby!

You may have strong feelings about your expected grandchild’s name, but don’t demand that the parents follow your request; it’s bound to result in conflict. However, if you have a compelling reason for suggesting a name, such as a family tradition, or honoring a relative who was important to you, there are ways to bring it up nonconfrontationally.

 

 

2. You’re doing it wrong!

Variations on this theme include: “That’s not how I used to do it!” and “You really shouldn’t do that!” The “it” or “that” can be anything from giving a newborn a bath to washing a toddler’s clothes to disciplining a preschooler. Remember, your adult children still think of you as Mom or Dad, and your disapproval is perceived as criticism, just as it was when they were kids. Find out how to voice your opinions in a more constructive way.

 

 

3. You have to spend the holidays here!

Putting a guilt trip on your kids and their spouses is never a good idea, especially around the holidays. They are probably feeling enough stress about where to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, or other holidays for a number of reasons, including the cost; the difficulty of traveling with young children; which spouse’s “turn” it is to see family; and the urge to plan a getaway of their own. Follow these tips to avoid anxiety and make the best of the situation.

 

 

4. You’re going to let them eat THAT?

Your children have put some serious thought into how to feed their kids, and your criticizing their decisions may invite a knee-jerk, hostile response. Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would have reacted if your parents had criticized how you fed your kids when they were growing up. Instead of making your adult children second-guess themselves, serve your grandkids the foods you think are best for them when they come visit. They may just turn out to like them and ask their parents to offer them the same dishes.

 

 

5. What do you mean, ‘No baptism’?

A religious rite of passage like a baptism or a bris can be a beautiful way to uphold a tradition and welcome a baby into the world – if the parents choose to do it. But only your grandchildren’s parents can determine the child’s religious upbringing, and if you want to avoid uncomfortable clashes that could lead to your being locked out of holiday celebrations in the years ahead, you must respect their decisions. If this frustrates you, our therapist suggests some ways to deal.

 

6. Don’t be so uptight!

The best part of being a grandparent is that you get to break the rules. When you watch the kids, you can let them eat junk food, stay up late, watch TV, and generally do whatever makes them happy. Could you imagine taking this attitude all the time if they were your own kids? Neither can their parents. Let them set the rules for everyday life.

Have YOU ever said anything on this list? Think we left something out? Join the discussion!

Source: Grandparents

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

 

 

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