Booster Seat Support

by Alina Larson
Nov. 14, 2009

Does your grandchild have a cloud over her head?

She’s convinced that her birthday will be boring, friends will forget her, the zoo is sure to be closed.

It’s not how you want her going into adulthood, especially since research reveals that negative kids are at higher risk for depression, illness, and poor academic performance.

Why does your grandkid sound like she should be in a nursing home rather than a nursery school, anyway?

“Through genetics and what you take in,” says Jim Fay, cofounder of the Love and Logic Institute, which offers parenting training and resources.

If Mom and Dad aren’t naysayers, the tendency can come from a more distant branch of the family tree. Bad experiences — academic or athletic troubles, bullies, or spats with friends — can weigh down mind and mood as well.

There’s nothing you can do about the disposition your grandkid is born with. But you do have a say in their experiences — and how they deal with them.

 

Mirror, Mirror

It starts with you. Kids model their parents’ and grandparents’ behavior.

If you present them with a gloom-and-doom view of the world, guess what? That’s how they’ll see it. Maybe you’re not the sunniest person, but you have survived, even thrived, in the face of adversity.

Tell the child about one of those experiences if it’s appropriate: “My sophomore year of college, I was worried I’d fail my French final. Every night the week before the exam, I stayed up late reviewing. I studied really hard, and I passed!”

 

Fixer Upper

 Often parents will rush to fix their children’s problems, but then kids don’t learn how to solve problems on their own, and they don’t earn the satisfaction of that accomplishment. “The more we believe we’re competent, the less scary and depressing the world looks,” Fay says.

If a child blurts out something negative (“I’m never going to understand math!”), use empathy first (“It’s frustrating when you don’t understand something”) and get him into problem-solving mode right away (“How do you think you’re going to handle that?”).

If he doesn’t come up with any ideas, give him a menu of “what other kids have tried before,” starting with suggestions that are clearly not great and working up to the better ones. Whichever way he chooses to cope with a situation, he’ll come away learning something and feeling empowered.

 

Reword It

When a child says something negative (“I can’t do this art project”), remind her of her past success (“Remember that beautiful birdhouse you worked so hard on?”) or question her assertion (“You were sure you couldn’t build that birdhouse. How did your thinking change?”).

This builds awareness of constructive and obstructive thoughts, and gradually she’ll learn to distinguish between them.

 

Great Adventure

Try new things together. Not only will the child feel secure in your love, but it will prove to him that there is fun to be had.

Often a negative child will avoid the unknown out of fear. But by not venturing out, he’ll miss out on a possible confidence-building success. Offer to take the blame if things go awry.

 

Outside the Box

The world is full of examples of triumph. Introduce your child to an uplifting saying (“This too shall pass”), film (like Babe), or book (such as, Where Do Balloons Go?, by Jamie Lee Curtis), or to an athlete celebrity who overcame adversity.

 

Bright-sizing

Make a family ritual of reviewing your day at dinnertime or bedtime. Help the child see the good that could come from something bad (“You didn’t do well on the test, but you learned you have to study more”).

End on an up note by having her name something that she did well or that made her happy that day.

Just think, helping a child become more optimistic will boost your attitude, too. How’s that for a brighter side?

 

Source: Grandparents 

 

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on guidepost.com

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