The 6 Things That Can Hurt Others

By Grandparents/PIO
July 1, 2009

 

Even well-intentioned grandparents can put their feet in their mouths. We’ve identified six of the absolute worst things a grandparent can say, along with tips for saying the right thing at the right time.

 

1. I have the perfect name for the baby!

You may have strong feelings about your expected grandchild’s name, but don’t demand that the parents follow your request; it’s bound to result in conflict. However, if you have a compelling reason for suggesting a name, such as a family tradition, or honoring a relative who was important to you, there are ways to bring it up nonconfrontationally.

 

 

2. You’re doing it wrong!

Variations on this theme include: “That’s not how I used to do it!” and “You really shouldn’t do that!” The “it” or “that” can be anything from giving a newborn a bath to washing a toddler’s clothes to disciplining a preschooler. Remember, your adult children still think of you as Mom or Dad, and your disapproval is perceived as criticism, just as it was when they were kids. Find out how to voice your opinions in a more constructive way.

 

 

3. You have to spend the holidays here!

Putting a guilt trip on your kids and their spouses is never a good idea, especially around the holidays. They are probably feeling enough stress about where to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, or other holidays for a number of reasons, including the cost; the difficulty of traveling with young children; which spouse’s “turn” it is to see family; and the urge to plan a getaway of their own. Follow these tips to avoid anxiety and make the best of the situation.

 

 

4. You’re going to let them eat THAT?

Your children have put some serious thought into how to feed their kids, and your criticizing their decisions may invite a knee-jerk, hostile response. Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would have reacted if your parents had criticized how you fed your kids when they were growing up. Instead of making your adult children second-guess themselves, serve your grandkids the foods you think are best for them when they come visit. They may just turn out to like them and ask their parents to offer them the same dishes.

 

 

5. What do you mean, ‘No baptism’?

A religious rite of passage like a baptism or a bris can be a beautiful way to uphold a tradition and welcome a baby into the world – if the parents choose to do it. But only your grandchildren’s parents can determine the child’s religious upbringing, and if you want to avoid uncomfortable clashes that could lead to your being locked out of holiday celebrations in the years ahead, you must respect their decisions. If this frustrates you, our therapist suggests some ways to deal.

 

6. Don’t be so uptight!

The best part of being a grandparent is that you get to break the rules. When you watch the kids, you can let them eat junk food, stay up late, watch TV, and generally do whatever makes them happy. Could you imagine taking this attitude all the time if they were your own kids? Neither can their parents. Let them set the rules for everyday life.

Have YOU ever said anything on this list? Think we left something out? Join the discussion!

Source: Grandparents

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com