Compassion Begins at Home
By Kelly L. Stone
M.S., L.P.C.
July 22, 2009
Children learn what they live, says the famous poem by Dorothy Law Nolte, and that includes compassion. Compassion is defined as having consideration for or showing kindness toward. Having the capacity to feel and show compassion is so important that the Search institute, a nonprofit organization that conducts research to advance the well-being of children, considers it a cornerstone for developing a sense of purpose in life. According to Dr. Peter C. Scales, a Senior Fellow at the Search Institute, having compassion for other life forms, be they human, animal, or plant, lays the foundation for growing children into well-adjusted adults who are contributing members of society.
But with so much of our children’s time spent away from the home these days, and with so much influence from factors that are beyond the scope of parental control, what can parents do to create a home environment that will nurture a budding compassion? The answers may be simpler than you think.
1) Help your child see that her life has a purpose. “In the elementary and middle school years,” says Dr. Scales, “children are developing a sense of what they can do and what their interests are. Parents can intentionally shape a sense of purpose by influencing the nature of their child’s activities.” Dr. Scales suggests creating opportunities for children to participate in religious or spiritual pursuits, volunteer work, and introducing them to people who are passionate about their work. “Parents should expose their children to as much as they can but ultimately it is the child’s own mix of interests, talents, and values that will guide their life.”
2) Third grade teacher Melanie Walrath says that the holidays are the perfect time to help teach children compassion. “Children can go through their toys and choose some they want to donate to Toys for Tots or a similar organization. Or have a garage sale for the items they choose– and I think children should choose what they want to sell for them to really learn compassion– and use the money they make to buy Christmas gifts or donate it to charity.”
3) Make decisions based on how it will effect the next seven generations, advises an old Native American saying. When selecting a Christmas tree, why not purchase something alive, and that will stay alive, instead of the usual dead tree that ends up in a landfill a month after the holidays? Purchase a live cypress tree and plant it in your yard after the holidays are over. Not only will you be contributing to the betterment of the earth’s environment, you will have growing trees in your yard that remind you of cherished memories for years to come.
4) Arrange for children to spend time volunteering for a cause they feel passionate about . But keep in mind that volunteering isn’t just about putting in the hours– the word passion isn’t in the word compassionate for no reason. Teens and pre-teens only feel the power of donating their life energy when they give of their time to causes they personally feel are important. When I volunteered with a local animal rescue group, there were 3 teen-agers who consistently showed up on Saturdays to help. These kids made sure the dogs had clean water, took them out of the crates for walks, and in general looked out for the dogs while the adult volunteers were busy with paperwork and interviews of potential adopters. These youngsters were passionate about helping end the senseless killing of homeless dogs and it showed- they were always there, on time, and happily and quietly went about their work with no instructions from the adults. The only reward they were looking for, and frequently got, was when a previously homeless dog walked off with a new family.
5) Put your money where your mouth is! Buy recycled toilet paper and other goods. Establish a compost heap in your yard and decompose as much kitchen waste as possible. Buy in bulk to reduce the amount of packaging you throw away. Teach children to recycle items from their school lunches, like plastic bags, milk cartons, and plastic utensils.
6) Look for alternatives to entertainment events that exploit wild animals. Sadly, there are many documented cases of abuse and neglect of circus animals. Attending a non-animal circus, such as Cirque du Soleil, teaches children how to put the values in their heart into real-life practice. Check out http://www.hsus.org/ace/13110 or http://www.circusofthekids.com for an animal free circus near you.
7) Talk to children about their values. What’s important to them? What do they see as the biggest problems with our world today? And what do they think they can do to help? Dr. Scales says that children need a sense of personal power along with compassion. “Personal Power is self-efficacy, the sense that I can make a difference,” he explains. Feeling effective at a young age establishes the ability to set and work toward goals later in life. “Parents build personal power from the youngest ages when they allow children to have a continuously growing sense of their emerging capacity to make decisions.”
Barbara Locasio, a licensed clinical social worker in Grayson, Georgia, advises, “Start listening deeply early on and asking questions about what you hear to help you learn more about how your child sees her world. Your child is a unique being, bringing to earth their individual gifts and wisdom. Nurturing and assisting in the blossoming of this essence, I believe, is a parent’s most important job.”
Albert Schweitzer is credited with saying, “the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.” Teach your children that every action they take on behalf of another living entity works for a higher good, even if they can’t see the end result and no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time. As spiritual leaders have been telling us since the dawn of time, everything we do returns to us ten-fold. Teach your children to be compassionate for compassion’s sake, and watch their young hearts blossom.
Editor’s Note: Kelly L. Stone holds a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from Florida State University. She is a Writer & Licensed Professional Counselor who has worked with children and families for 20 years. Contact her through her website at www.kellylstone.com.
Source: Compassionate Kids