Math Music with Young Children

By Eugene Geist
Kamile Geist
Sept. 9, 2009

The idea that literacy learning begins at birth is widely accepted in the field of early childhood. In fact, literacy programs are mandated by state and federal agencies in Head Start programs. What many people don’t realize, however, is that infants, toddlers and preschoolers are also learning math from everything around them – most importantly from music! From birth to the age of five, young children may not be able to add or subtract or use other formal mathematics the way an older child would, but their interaction with a stimulating environment leads them to build the basics of math even without direct teaching.  How can a child learn without being taught?  Well, it is the way the human mind is designed.  When a child uses their own ability to learn and think about their surroundings, they naturally begin to build an understanding of mathematics.

Math and Music

One of the best and most effective tools to promote this early mathematical thinking is through the use of music and musical activities in the classroom.  However, it is not necessary to use songs to teach specific skills such as counting or addition.  In fact, research suggests that these practices may even get in the way of the child’s own thinking process.  Instead, teachers need to look at how music affects children and how the basic elements of music, such as the beat, rhythm and patterns within the melody or words,  can stimulate mathematical growth in areas such as spatial reasoning, sequencing, counting, patterning, and one-to-one correspondence.

Take for example, the song “BINGO” (which contains a pretty elaborate patterning activity and even some counting).  Think about how children replace the letter of the name with a clap in each round of the song.  Think about the relationship that a child makes when they have to complete that simple task, and think about how music helps to scaffold that ability.  Additionally, music is an activity that children frequently will spontaneously and independently sing during free time.  We have seen children singing “BINGO” and counting their claps while playing on the playground.

Teachers, without realizing it, may already be using some of the elements of music in their everyday interactions with children.  For example, elements of rhythm are one of the ways to make predictable books, predictable.  Children can anticipate the rhythmic pattern and that helps them to remember the words to a familiar story.  Another example is patterning activities.  Preschools and Kindergartens are rife with manipulatives that support interaction with objects and patterning.  However, the very first patterning activity that a child encounters is musical.  When a parent or teacher comforts a crying child they may pat, rock or bounce the child using a steady beat or a rhythmic pattern.  They may even sing them a simple song while they do this.  A steady beat and rhythmic pattern are prime examples of patterning activities and a very early introduction to mathematical concepts.

Using a Steady Beat

Steady beat activities such as clapping or marching help the child understand numerical relationships such as one-to-one correspondence and even the concept of “more.” Toddlers may not yet know numbers, but they understand “more.”  For example, if you clap once and then you say, “Can you clap more than I clapped?” a toddler will most likely clap more than once.

Using Rhythm

Rhythm can help children to develop patterning abilities and make one-to-one correspondence relationships between the rhythm, beat and the words to the song. They can repeat, predict and extend rhythmic patterns easily. For example in “Old MacDonald Had A Farm” the teacher can sing “With a moo moo here” and the child can repeat and even extend the pattern of the song by singing “and a moo moo there” with little effort. (Editor’s Note: For an activity that helps make the connection between music and math, please see sidebar.)

Putting it Together

With a basic understanding of steady beat, rhythm, and melody teachers can incorporate these musical elements into their ‘normal’ teaching strategies for promoting emergent mathematics. Children can create, reproduce and extend patterns and explore one-to-one correspondence using steady beat, rhythm and melody.  These three components can be used alone or in combination to create both simple and complex patterns for children to explore and interact with in a developmentally appropriate manner.

With children under the age of five, our goal is not to teach formal mathematics or to teach children to memorize their numbers or “math facts,” and songs do not need to just be memory aides or a way to teach a child how to count to ten.  The goal for using music to support mathematics should be to provide infants, toddlers and preschoolers with a stimulating and interactive environment.  Next time you are looking for a way to engage children’s mathematical mind, try a song – any song, and then ask the children to talk about the beat, rhythm, tempo or melody.  We think the children will surprise you with what they already know about mathematics through music.

Materials needed: Felt board, Cut out felt ducks (1 big one and and at least nine small ones), hand drum (optional)

Procedures:

1. Sing the song to the tune of the “Adams Family” theme.
2. Keep a beat while singing by clapping your hands or beating on a drum.
3. Place the mother duck and her little ducks all around the felt board.  The number doesn’t matter.  Whatever you want to start with will be fine.
4. Sing the following song to the Adams Family theme. Where you see (Chant), have children say, rather than sing, the words/numbers.

(SING)
How many ducks? clap clap
How many ducks? clap clap
How many ducks? How many ducks? How many ducks? clap clap

(CHANT)
Let’s count
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

(SING)
How many ducks? (SEVEN ducks!)
How many ducks? (SEVEN ducks!)
How many ducks?  How many ducks?  How many ducks? (SEVEN ducks!)

(CHANT)
What does mother duck say to get them back in line?
Quack    Quack     Quack  Quack  Quack
(Keep repeating (Quack) until a child in the group places the ducks in a line behind the mother duck)

(SING a little slower to allow time for the students to fill in the blank)
How many ducks? (SEVEN ducks!)
How many ducks? ( SEVEN ducks!)
How many ducks?  How many ducks? How many ducks? (SEVEN ducks!)

(If all children can’t say the number, go back to the “let’s count” line)Repeat the song, placing different number of ducks on the feltboard.

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

Source: Scholastic News Online

Fears That Make You Smile

by Beverly Beckham
Sept. 9, 2009

I can see it from her point of view. Literally. I walk into the bathroom, kneel down, look up, and the cow on the wall does appear to be glaring at me.

“I no like. I ‘fraid,” Charlotte says, beeline-ing it past this bathroom and actually detouring — walking through the dining room and living room — to get to the steps that lead upstairs.

Charlotte is 2 and short like a fire hydrant. And the cow, though not real and not even three-dimensional — it’s painted on the bathroom wall — does loom over her. So I respect her feelings: The cow can look a little menacing.

Knowing this, I attempt to reassure her.

“The cow is smiling at you,” I tell my small granddaughter. “She likes you, Charlotte. She is a very nice cow.” But Charlotte is buying none of this. My spunky little Charlotte who is not afraid to climb on boulders and over fences, who jumps on and up and down and through just about anything, who picks up worms and ants and spiders (and sometimes pretends to eat them!), who swaggers through life doing all of the things the bigger 5-and-6-year-old kids do, wants nothing to do with this big stuck-on-the-wall inanimate, acrylic, huger-than-life heifer.

“Cow scary!” she insists as she climbs the 13 steps to the upstairs cow-free bathroom.

I shake my head and laugh because the cow was never meant to be scary. Quite the opposite. The cow and the sheep and the rooster and the duck with her ducklings and the pig and the mouse and all the little spiders and bees and butterflies and flowers lovingly painted on the walls by Sarah Bonnanzio three years ago were meant to be entertaining and fun.

I’d seen Bonnanzio’s work at the Public Library in Canton, Mass., where I live and where she’d donated her time and her talent. And I called her because I had a tiny space that I knew she could make cheerful and bright.

And she did. She painted a pig over the sink and ducks over the toilet and a rooster over the window and cow’s backsides over the door and a great big solemn-looking cow surrounded by sunflowers over the towel rack.

Solemn, but to Charlotte scary.

The other grandchildren sang “EE-I-EE-I-O” in the bathroom when they were 2 and 3. They counted the butterflies. They buzzed like bees. They mooed and they oinked and they bah-ed. They loved all the animals. They still do. Not Charlotte. She hollers as she races by.

Avoiding the Area

For months we chuckled at all the racing and hollering and the more recently “I no likes.” Because, really, Charlotte not liking the cow was just a funny quirky thing up until a few weeks ago when she began to actually use a bathroom.

Before it was an occasional trip up the stairs to check out the bathroom just in case. “Here’s the potty. Want to sit on it, Charlotte?” And Charlotte, just like her brother before her, refused.

Now Charlotte is potty-trained and the upstairs bathroom is an issue because from the backyard — where we’ve been spending our time, where there’s a playhouse and a tiny blow-up pool, where the kids run around all day — there are 13 steps leading just to the house, nine to the porch. Three to the garage. And a single big step into the kitchen.

Then there are 13 more steps to the second floor cow-free safe zone.

Twenty-six steps up. Twenty-six steps down. Up and down. Up and down so many times a day!

“Maybe you should paint over the cow,” Adam, Charlotte’s 5-year-old brother said last week as I sat splayed out and gasping on a lawn chair.

Charlotte’s mother suggested draping a towel over the bathroom door, then pushing the door wide open. This actually worked. It covered most of the cow’s head and all of the cow’s eyes. “Look, Charlotte,” we trilled. “The cow can’t see you anymore.”

But she could see still the cow.

“Cow big!” she moaned, bolting out of the bathroom, and back outside, putting as much distance between her and the bloated bovine as possible.

No Cows, No Dogs

Last week she decided that she didn’t like the big stuffed black dog that has stood by my front door since before she was born. She used to like it. She used to sit on it! But not anymore. “I no like dogs,” she told us, furrowing her brow.

A stuffed dog and a fake cow’s face give Charlotte the vapors. But two live groundhogs that live under a shed in my backyard? Charlotte says, “They fun!”

She chases them and laughs as they disappear under the shed and she’d be poking at them with a long stick if we let her. “I see hogs?” she says and we say, “No, Charlotte, not now. Maybe they’ll come out later.” And she’ll sit and wait for as long as it takes, as long as she’s not near the cow and the dog.

Source: Grandparents

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

Parents Across the Country Against Obama School Address

By Joshua Rhett Miller
FOXNews.com
Sept. 4, 2009

Regine Gordon doesn’t want her 6-year-old son to hear from President Obama next week.

Gordon, of Tampa, Fla., is among a growing number of parents across the country who are troubled by the president’s plan to address elementary, middle and high school students in an online and televised speech Tuesday. 

“It’s a form of indoctrination, and I think, really, it’s indicative of the culture that the Obama administration is trying to create,” Gordon told FOXNews.com on Thursday. “It’s very socialistic.”

After writing letters to her congressmen and school officials, Gordon said her son, David, will be allowed to participate in an alternative activity at Gorrie Elementary School during Obama’s address, which comes on the first day of school for many children.

“I’m waiting to hear from his teacher, but I have told them to go ahead and I’d like [David] to go do something else,” Gordon said. “It’s kind of like going through the children to get to their parents. Children are very vulnerable and excited. I mean, this is the president. I think it’s an underhanded tactic and indicative of the way things are being done.”

But some parents won’t be allowed to “opt-out” their kids everywhere. At least one school district, Tempe Elementary School District No. 3 in Arizona, is not permitting parents to pull their children out of class during Obama’s speech.

“I have directed principals to have students and teachers view the president’s message on Tuesday,” Superintendent of Schools Dr. Arthur Tate Jr. said in a statement Thursday. “In some cases, where technology will not permit access to the White House Web site, DVDs will be provided to classes on subsequent days. I am not permitting parents to opt out students from viewing the president’s message, since this is a purely educational event.”

The White House said Wednesday that the president’s address is intended to be an inspirational, pro-education message to all students at the beginning of the school year. But critics objected to the language of one of the lesson plans, for students in pre-kindergarten through grade 6, which suggested that students “write letters to themselves about what they can do to help the president.” Another assignment for students after hearing the speech was to discuss what “the president wants us to do.”

The suggestion about writing letters has since been changed to: “Write letters to themselves about how they can achieve their short-term and long-term education goals. These would be collected and redistributed at an appropriate later date by the teacher to make students accountable to their goals.”

White House spokesman Tommy Vietor said the changes to the language are intended to make the lesson plans clearer. He added that the speech the president’s speech will not be a policy speech, but is intended to encourage kids to work hard and commit to school.

But that hasn’t assuaged concerns of Michelle Moore of St. Louis, who says she’s considering keeping her two daughters out of the classroom at Lindberg High School when Obama begins to speak.

“I have to sign permission slips for my kids to watch R-rated movies in school,” Moore said, explaining that she felt parents were being blindsided by the president’s address. “It was simply presented, ‘Hey, we’re going to do this, this is when it’s going to air and you’re going to show it to your kids.'”

Moore suggested that the speech be issued as a DVD to students so they can view it with their parents at home, adding that the first day of classes for many students will be a harried affair.

“That’s their first day,” she said. “I would think they have plenty of other things to do.”

The idea of having Obama speak directly to children without so much as a permission slip being sent home just “makes you feel a little funny,” said Beth Milledge of Winterset, Iowa. She said she plans on going to school with her 8-year-old son to watch the address with him.

“I want to know how it’s being presented,” she said. “I’m all for my child having respect for the president, but why wouldn’t he show us the speech first and then go from there?”

Dana Loesch, spokeswoman for the Nationwide Tea Party Coalition, has started a campaign to ask schools to provide an alternative to the speech for parents who do not wish their children to experience a presidential address in school. Loesch has urged parents to contact schools directly to find out if the “partisan presentation” will air in their child’s classroom.

“It went straight from the Department of Education right to the principals,” Loesch told FOX News. “There’s a lot of parents who have spoken to me [and] they’ve talked to their principals, and it kind of ‘weirded’ them out a little because this is also the first that protocol has been skipped.”

Several school districts contacted by FOXNews.com, including those in Milwaukee and St. Louis, said individual teachers will decide whether to air the address in their classrooms.

“We’re allowing teachers to decide,” an Austin, Texas, school official told FOXNews.com. “But most of the kids will be at lunch. It’s not going to be a big issue here.”

In Austin, school district officials say a speech by any sitting president is worthy of “Americans’ time, attention and consideration,” according to a statement by the Austin Independent School District (AISD) to FOXNews.com. Teachers who believe the address will be beneficial to their students will allow viewing in the classroom.

“It is AISD’s expectation that viewing of this Web address will vary by campus and by classroom,” the statement continued. “Parents will be advised by their campus principals to alert the school if they have a specific desire to have their child included in, or removed from, the viewing of the president’s remarks.”

Parents in Milwaukee will have the option to remove their children by “simply informing the school of their preference,” spokeswoman Roseann St. Aubin said.

Virginia Department of Education spokesman Charles Pyle told the Associated Press that a number of school divisions asked the agency for guidance this week after parents concerned with the address contacted local officials.

The department says it’s up to districts to determine whether a school or class views the address, and teachers who choose to incorporate the president’s speech into their lessons are also free to develop their own classroom activities, the Associated Press reports.

Other districts, including those in New York City and Boston, won’t even have classes that day. Officials at the Philadelphia School District declined comment.

National Parent Teacher Association President Chuck Saylors told FOXNews.com the presidential speech is something that should have happened years ago.

“Regardless of who is in the White House, when the president of the United States wants to give the students a beginning-of-the-year, do-your-best type of presentation, it should be supported,” he said. “[But] if parents want their children to opt-out, they’re certainly in their rights to do that.”

Several statewide parent teacher associations, including those in Georgia, Virginia, Tennessee and others, did not respond to requests for comment on how their members are advising teachers how to present the presidential address in class.

Gainell Rogers, president-elect of the Utah Parent Teacher Association, said she has “confidence in the decisions” of local school officials.

“We believe that decisions in the best interest of students are most effective when made at the local level,” Rogers told FOXNews.com. “Each local school district will decide what is best for their students and patrons and those decisions will reflect input from parents.”

Source: Fox News

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

Kids Need Positive Growth

By Jim Liebelt
Sept. 3, 2009

If you want your children to flourish, get them involved in extracurricular activities other than sports, new research suggests.

Children in fifth, sixth and seventh grades who took part in both sports and after-school activities such as Boys & Girls Clubs, 4-H or Scouts had the highest scores for “positive development” and the lowest scores for risky and problem behavior, according to a study from Tufts University, published recently in Developmental Psychology.

“Positive development” includes measures of competence, confidence, character, connection and caring, the study authors explained.

About 60 percent of U.S. children participate in at least one sport, making sports the most common after-school activity, according to information in a news release from Tufts.

Although a large body of research suggests that sports participation is associated with psychological well-being, positive social development and higher academic and professional achievement, some research has shown that participation in sports may be linked to some risky behaviors.

The new study, which looked at data on 1,357 adolescents who took part in the 4-H Study of Positive Youth Development, found that those students who only took part in sports had lower scores on characteristics of “positive development” and higher scores on bullying, substance use and depression than students who also took part in youth development activities.

Source: U.S. News & World Report Homeword

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

Healthy Tips

By Annie Buckley
Sept. 3, 2009

Summer is full of  activities that naturally nurture the body, mind, and heart—beach days and play dates, baseball and crafts, evenings on the porch—but what will happen to fun and fitness as the days grow shorter and busier? Use these tips to keep the healthy glow, creative play, and sunny optimism of summer in your family’s routine all through the fall.

Body: Try the Sunrise/Sunset card below to start a habit of daily exercise. It doesn’t have to take very long, five or ten minutes each day is a great start, but once you begin, it will feel so good you’ll want to add more—try lunges, jumping jacks, shoulder rolls, and side-stretches to extend your routine. Already exercise regularly? Then use this card to for a gentle stretch to wake up your body in the morning. Invite your children to join you for a healthy start to each day.

 

Mind: Make time to sit quietly at the beginning or end of the day; empty your mind, look at the view, or just rest. Try to create a few moments on your own to relax and reflect; notice how taking time out makes you feel. For children, an imaginative activity can offer the same sense of calm. Together, look at the sky in the morning and at sunset for a few days. Notice the colors and light. Then fold a paper in half. Color a sunrise on one side and sunset on the other. Use what you see in the sky and your imagination. How do we experience these opposites—light and shadow, energy and calm—throughout the day? How do they balance each other?

 

Heart: The sun is a source of light and heat for the whole planet. Its strength powers us all. This month, see if you can notice what empowers you—whether it’s a job well done, compliments, or a healthy meal—what makes you feel your best? Once you answer the question, consider ways to bring more of that into your life. When we feel strong and powerful, optimistic and hopeful, it rubs off on those around us. You can spread more sunshine by talking with your children; ask: What makes you feel bright and strong?

 

Editor’s Note: For more information on Annie Buckley’s Kids Yoga Deck and Once Upon a Time: Creative Writing Fun for Kids, please see: Chronicle Books.com or anniebuckley.com

 

We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

 

Source: Bing Note

What are They Learning

by Gary Drevitch
August 28, 2009

Editor’s Note: We will joining with Grandparents.com and Scholastic News Online to do this weekly series on what experts are saying grandchildren should learn in school, from grades K through 8

We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

This week it is: Kindergearten

 So, what are you doing in school this year?

It’s the opening line in many conversations between grandparents and grandchildren. Unfortunately, as many grandparents learn, children are not always so forthcoming with the details of what they’re doing in, say, third-grade math or sixth-grade science. Now Grandparents.com has asked some experts to help fill you in — a team of teachers and writers who produce textbooks, magazines, and other products for the nation’s classrooms. They helped us compile a clear and concise guide to what your grandchildren should be learning, from kindergarten through grade 8, in the subject areas of English, math, science, and social studies.

Each article summarizes what grandchildren will learn during the school year; introduces controversial issues that students and teachers may face as they study together; recommends books and websites that will expand your grandchildren’s knowledge; and suggests activities you and your grandchildren can do together to reinforce and extend their classroom lessons. Now you’ll be prepared not only to talk with the kids about what they’re learning in the classroom, but to help them excel there as well.

 In kindergarten, it’s all about learning how to make friends, how to last through an entire day (or half-day) of school, and, yes, learning how to learn. In most programs, children learn how to interact with classmates, and to resolve conflicts, during unstructured imaginative play. Kids also begin to internalize the routines of the school day, as they shift between lessons in English, math, social studies, and science:

 

English. Reading and writing go hand-in-hand in kindergarten, as children learn their letters and begin to put them into words. Beginning readers start with the ABCs: Teachers typically dedicate one week to each letter of the alphabet, helping students equate written letters, both upper- and lower-case, with their respective sounds and the words that start with them. Kindergartners also start to recognize common words by sight, such as you, see, and up. As the year progresses, successful sight-readers will be able to read some simple stories independently. At the same time, children begin to craft their own tales using the storytelling skills they acquire from listening to a variety of books read aloud in the classroom. Teachers encourage kids to draw detailed pictures of their stories, and then to write words to accompany those images, as best they can. Children are encouraged to use “invented spelling” to write words, based on their sounds.

• Math. The focus is on number, shape, and pattern recognition. Children will learn to write numbers, practice counting by 1s, 2s, 5s, and 10s, and read a calendar. By the end of the year, they may learn basic addition facts with the help of “manipulatives,” a fancy word for hands-on materials such as blocks.

• Social Studies. The goal here is for children to envision a world beyond their neighborhood, and to understand their place in it. Many classes begin the year with an “all about me” unit in which kids share facts about themselves with classmates. Later lessons will focus on families and their traditions, and “community helpers,” like police officers and mail carriers.

• Science. The best kindergarten teachers make science part of the daily routine, inviting children to observe the weather each morning and use “weather words” to describe the day’s conditions. Other topics might include the five senses, habitats, ocean life, the four seasons, or the lifecycles of plants and animals.

 

The New First Grade? As recently as 20 years ago, most children learned to read in first grade. Now, some schools assess students’ reading skills as they enter kindergarten, and reevaluate them several times during the year. Why the rush? Schools are being pressured to meet the standards dictated by state-mandated standardized tests, which require that students be “proficient” readers by third grade. So even as more school districts shift from partial-day to full-day kindergarten classes, education researchers have found that the extra hours of the school day are not being dedicated to finger-painting or creative play, but to increased literacy instruction. A child’s work, it appears, is no longer play.

 

• Many kindergarten teachers will dedicate weeks or months to favorite children’s authors such as Jan Brett, Eric Carle, Kevin Henkes, Jane Yolen, Leo Lionni, and Robert Munsch. Before your grandchildren visit, find out which writers they are reading in school, then head to the library to load up on their works so you’ll be ready for reading time.

• There are dozens of great ABC books on the market, but you can never tell which will be the one that helps your grandchild break through and start recognizing letters. Still, at least one of the books on this list compiled by Scholastic.com should do the trick.

• To learn more about the increasing academic demands of kindergarten, read Susan Ohanian’s What Happened to Recess and Why are our Children Struggling in Kindergarten? (McGraw-Hill, 2002), or these articles from Newsweek and The Washington Post

 

Hobby Time. Kindergartners love to do grown-up things, so let them take part in your hobbies. It’s a great way to help them learn. If you’re a sports fan, let them help you add up a team’s runs as you look at baseball box scores in the newspaper. If you’re a gardener, spend an afternoon teaching them about what plants need to grow, and let them get their hands dirty by digging and planting with you. If you’re more crafty, art projects are a terrific way for young children to hone their fine-motor skills.

Science Stroll. Take grandchildren on a nature walk around your neighborhood, and help them identify the flowers, trees, insects, and animals you see. While you’re at it, keep your eyes open for opportunities to clean up; kindergartners love to pick up everything in sight, and they love to be helpful. Let them pitch in.

Find Lessons in Aisle Three. A trip to the supermarket provides many learning opportunities for kindergartners. Quiz kids on the colors and shapes of vegetables. Challenge them to find certain words throughout the store. If the cashier gives you change, hand the coins to the children and ask them to identify each one. But don’t be surprised if the kids are reluctant to give the money back

 

Next Week: Grade 1 English

Source: Grandparents Scholastic News Online

Parents of Adolescents

By Jim Burns, MD
August 28, 2009

Adolescence, the period between childhood and adulthood, has grown longer in our time. Kids are experiencing puberty earlier and staying connected to their parents later in life than previous generations. Thus, adolescence in many instances can be just as tough a season on parents as it is on the kids!

Recently, I interviewed Dr. Kevin Leman, the internationally known author and speaker for our radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns, about his new book, Running the Rapids. In the book, Dr. Leman wrote a chapter titled “20 Rules for Surviving Your Kids’ Adolescence.”  In this tip sheet, we’re passing along Dr. Leman’s rules along with some of my own comments.
Follow Through. I’m a big believer in disciplining with consistency. If you create an expectation and consequences for not meeting the expectation with your kids, follow through on it! By not following through, you send the message that your word isn’t worth anything.

Watch Your Expectations. All parents want the best for their kids. The trick is to help them set and then achieve their goals for themselves, rather than to expect them to live up to our goals for them.

Accept Them Where They Are. Adolescence is a very turbulent time for kids. They can be a roller coaster of moods, emotions and hormones all wrapped up together. If your daughter is brokenhearted over a “crush” that hasn’t worked out the way she had hoped, don’t belittle her or tease her over “puppy love.” Remember, “puppy love” is very real to “puppies.” Affirm their feelings. They are what they are – and they are real.

Take Time To Listen. This is part of what I call “The Power of Being There.” Your presence makes a difference. Kids see your presence and listening as a sign of caring and connectedness. Listening is the language of love. Listen to your kids. In doing so, you’ll be demonstrating honor, love, respect, empathy and acceptance.

Respect Their Choices. This is a tough one for parents. It’s hard to watch kids make choices that we don’t want them to make. Believe me, I understand. But, it’s our goal to move kids from dependence on us to independence, and this means we have to respect their choices. Obviously, in terms of choices, there are some areas where we would want to intervene, like drugs and alcohol for example. But, for the most part, in an age-appropriate way, we should allow our kids to make their choices and live with the consequences. Remember, one of the best ways to learn is by experiencing failure.

Ask For Forgiveness. When was the last time you asked for your child’s forgiveness? The parent who tries to come across as perfect is making a big mistake. In fact, you’ll probably be amazed at how much credibility you gain with your children when you’re honest with them about your shortcomings.

Respect Their Privacy. If your son is in his bedroom with the door closed – and you need to talk to him for whatever reason – respect his privacy by knocking on the door before entering. Of course, as a parent, you have every right to just walk on in, but a simple knock and asking if “now’s a good time” to have the conversation gives your son the opportunity to feel as though he actually bought into the process – rather than having it forced upon him.

Communicate Clearly. Good communication takes work. Make sure you work at listening to what your kids are actually saying. You might have to ask for clarification as terms and meanings change. Understand that you’ve grown up in a different time also – so be sure that your kids understand you!

Do The Unexpected. When it comes to discipline, be creative. No, you can’t beat kids over the head and force them to do things, but you can’t let them off the hook either. Dr. Leman uses the example of a child who was expected to prepare dinner. The child didn’t get around to it, so mom and dad went out to dinner alone and then took the meal’s expense from the child’s allowance. Dr. Leman says, “Doing the unexpected creates a long-lasting shock value.”

Talk About Potential Problems. This simply refers to talking issues over with your kids before they face them, like discussing with them when they’re eleven or twelve what to expect on a date and what problems they might encounter, rather than waiting ‘til they’re sixteen, on the eve of a first date.

Don’t Act Like A Teenager. You’re not one. Your kids know it. They are counting on you to act like a grown-up.

Give Them Choices. Adult life is full of choices. Help your kids move towards independence by making sure they have opportunities to make choices and to learn from the consequences of their choices. While practice may not make perfect, giving kids choices will help them learn how to make good decisions.

Don’t Snowplow Their School Road. This refers to allowing kids to be responsible for their own homework and school activities. Too many parents get involved in helping their kids with these – and unintentionally get in the way of the growth process their kids need to experience. While your kids need your encouragement, make sure you are teaching them about accountability and responsibility through their assignments and commitments.

Don’t Show Them Off or Embarrass Them. Okay, as parents, we tend toward one or the other of these extremes. Either we want to show off our kids for what a great job they’ve done on something (it makes us feel good about ourselves, make no mistake!) or we embarrass our kids in front of others because they’ve messed up or disappointed us. There are times for praise and times for rebuke, but make sure these are done in the right place and the right time.

Don’t Pick At Flaws. Teens are painfully aware of their shortcomings. Generally, they don’t need parents to remind them constantly of their weaknesses, failures and flaws. Nagging and criticizing doesn’t make the list when it comes to effective parenting skills!

Don’t Spit In Their Soup. Dr. Leman says that this is “when you add a little tagalong that has no other purpose than to make your teen feel guilty.” An example: “Sure son, you can go to the game tonight. I’m glad someone in our family gets to go out and have fun. I’ll be mowing the lawn.”

Don’t Talk In Volumes. Some parents just lie in wait for an opportunity to unload verbally to offer advice and instruction. Don’t make every moment in life a “teachable” one. If your child needs new shoes and asks for them, you don’t have to explain the proper way to walk to maximize the life of the shoes.

Don’t Smother Them With Praise. While I think appropriate praise is important, if you heap too much praise on kids, they can hear the unintended message that you love them only when they perform at a high level. Find ways to praise and encourage without tying it to a specific performance or building up unrealistic hopes.

Don’t Make Icebergs Out Of Icicles. Just a reminder to season your parenting with grace. We all make mistakes. We all have fallen short. Learn to extend the same grace to your kids that you would like others to extend to you.

Handle Hassles Healthily. Conflict between parents and kids from time to time is a fact of life. These times can either be a path to communication blockage and unloving behavior, or it can be a path to deeper communication, greater understanding, and loving behavior. Working through the conflict takes more emotional involvement than avoiding conflict, but it is the loving way to care for yourself, as well as your child.

Editor’s Note: Adapted from the book, Running the Rapids by Dr. Kevin Leman

We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

Source: Home Word

Teach Values to your Kids

by Mark Brandenburg
August 21, 2009

 

In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values that don’t reflect what you believe, how can fathers teach values to their kids? Here are ten ideas to help you:

Tell them your life stories and teach through your stories
Kids love to hear stories about your childhood. Weave in some moral dilemmas and you’ve got great opportunities to teach values to them. It certainly beats lecturing your kids!

Live your own life according to your values—walk the talk.
Kids learn by imitating, especially at a young age. They are very adept at seeing if what you say and what you do are matching up. Don’t give them confusing signals; follow your own values every moment.

Expose them to your religion or faith
It seems especially important today to let them know that they’re not alone. Providing your kids with a community of faith will strengthen their values and provide parents some “leverage”

Pay attention to who else might be teaching values to your kids
Get to know your child’s teachers, coaches, relatives, etc. Anyone who spends time with your kids may be influencing them. Know their values and beliefs as well. 

Ask your kids questions that will stimulate dialogue about values
Telling them what values they should have won’t always be effective, especially when your kids get older. Asking them “curious” questions will allow discussions that will eventually lead to values. “What did you think about that fight,” may be more effective than, “He shouldn’t have started that fight!”

Talk to them about values in a relaxed and easy way
Nothing will turn your kids off more than preaching values to them after they’ve screwed up! Talk to them when everyone’s relaxed, and do it in a light, conversational manner. They’ll be much more likely to be listening rather than tuning you out.

Read them fairy tales when they’re younger
Fairy tales capture the imagination of kids and can easily lead to a discussion of values. Kids will learn the most concerning values when they’re excited about the topic.

Involve your kids in art, activities, or helping others while limiting TV and video games
Kids learn values when they experience them. Allow them to experience helping others and involve them in activities that will expand their creativity.

Have frequent conversations about values in your household
This lets your kids know that it’s important and it’s not just something you talk about when they do something wrong.

Have high expectations for your kids’ value systems
Kids will tend to rise to the level of expectation you have for them. Their value system will often reflect yours if the expectations are high.

Source: Secret of Success

 

Editor’s Note: Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers and husbands. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers”.

We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

Kids Homework: Stay Out of It!

By Wayne Rice
August 20, 2009

 

When it comes to kids and homework, I recommend that parents resist getting involved. It’s their responsibility, not yours. It’s common these days for parents to work themselves into a “quality time” frenzy—supervising their kids’ homework on a nightly basis, making sure that every assignment is done correctly and on time. Sometimes these parents actually “go back to school” themselves, heroically reading the textbooks and trying to learn the subject matter so that they can tutor their kids, or, if all else fails, do their homework for them.

Don’t do that! Don’t try to be a hero. Your job is to monitor progress, to coach and encourage from the sidelines, and to hold your student accountable—but that’s about it. Of course you care a great deal about how well your teen does in school, but you should also care enough to allow your teen to do it on his or her own. That’s the only way they will truly benefit from their school experience.

While there are always exceptions, most teenagers—if they are left alone and not overly pushed by their parents—will do okay in school and require little supervision and extra motivation. Don’t worry if your teenager isn’t getting straight As or winning academic-achievement awards. It’s not likely that you can turn your average student into an overachiever by nagging or pushing. In fact, the more you get involved, the greater the likelihood the student will do worse, not better. Remember, it’s her job to get her education.

Most kids are motivated to do well in school by a combination of two things: ambition and anxiety.

Despite what some think about today’s teenagers, most are pretty ambitious. They like challenges and enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes from getting good grades and pleasing their teachers and parents. Career ambitions or just a desire to excel at whatever they do may motivate others. Some kids are ambitious by nature, and others develop it gradually over time. It can be encouraged in teenagers by modeling it for them and by providing them with lots of affirmation rather than nagging. Your teenager probably is more ambitious than you realize, even if that ambition is not channeled directly into schoolwork.

Anxiety—or fear—is also a significant motivator. Most students fear what might happen if they don’t do their schoolwork. They might be embarrassed in front of their classmates or put their future at risk or lose a scholarship or make their parents angry.

Ambition and anxiety work in tandem. One of the other usually provides the motivation necessary to make students out of most kids. But what if that doesn’t happen? What if your teenager seems to lack both ambition and anxiety? What if he or she just doesn’t care?

The answer is not to make their performance your problem, but theirs. Sometimes parents and teachers worry and fret about a student’s poor grades while the student could care less. Unless your teenager cares as much (or more) than you do, he or she won’t be motivated to change or to take responsibility for performing up to his or her capabilities.

The best solution is to make school performance something that your kids care about. You can’t give them ambition they don’t have, but you can increase their anxiety level by tying school performance to the privileges that they enjoy and/or expect. Most kids care a lot about having time with their friends, having money to spend, having a car to drive, participating in sports, or having additional freedom. If their bad grades translate into a loss of privileges, they’ll start caring about their school performance. They’ll start feeling some anxiety.

Most kids won’t take kindly to this exercise of your authority. They will probably fight it tooth and nail at first. They’ll act like they really don’t care what you do to them and refuse to change just out of spite. They’ll act like victims and try to blame you for ruining their lives. Don’t fall for it. Just follow through and be patient. Eventually they will learn that you are serious and that if their situation is going to improve, they will be the ones who have to do the improving.

Of course, to make such a system work, you’ll need some way of monitoring how your student is doing, preferably on a weekly basis. There is simply too much time between report cards. What you need to know is whether or not your son or daughter completed the work that was assigned to them for the week, whether or not they are getting an acceptable grade. Some parents make arrangements with teachers and administrators to use a simple form at the end of each week (brought to the school by the student on Friday), which asks teachers in each class to give a progress report, along with a signature to discourage student dishonesty.

Your objective is not to micromanage your teenager’s life but to communicate clearly that they are in total control of their lives. They have responsibilities that they can choose to accept or ignore. The choices are theirs, just as the outcomes of their choices are also theirs. That’s how real life works.

This may not be necessary for your kids. Keep in mind that some underachieving students may have significant learning disabilities that should be properly diagnosed and treated. But the best response for the vast majority of kids who lack the motivation to apply themselves at school is to simply back off and let them take responsibility for their own school performance. Make it matter to them. In most cases, they will turn things around on their own, and they will learn a valuable life lesson in the process.

Editor’s Note: Wayne Rice is the founder and director of HomeWord’s Understanding Your Teenager parenting event. Besides conducting dozens of UYT seminars each year and his work as a consultant for HomeWord, Wayne is a frequent speaker at youth, family and leadership conferences and other events for youth, youth workers, and parents.

We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

 

Source: Home Word

Nurturing Your Kids

By Jum Burns, PhD
August 19, 2009

Parenting today is no easy task. I understand from my own experience the challenge of keeping the many areas of our kids’ lives on the radar screen so that we can help guide them into becoming healthy adults in every possible way: spiritually, physically and emotionally. Here is an easy to remember, ABC & D approach to nurturing you kids.

 

Affirmation. An affirmed child is a secure and confident child. Most often, the difference between kids who make it and kids who don’t is one caring adult. Even if you struggle with your teenager, I challenge you to believe in them! Most teenagers suffer from low self-esteem – and I almost always see this in cases where teens struggle with their parents. Kids with low self-esteem tend to become irresponsible. They make poor decisions socially, in regards to drugs and sexuality – and academically. Kids with low self-esteem often act out rebelliously with their parents. Their move to a lower standard of behavior is often due to the way they perceive of themselves. Parents can make a huge difference in helping their teenagers become responsible by affirming them, praising them and believing (even in the midst of struggle) in the person they can become.

 

Blameless Love.  Kids are going to mess up at times – it’s part of their ‘job description.’ When they do, they don’t need to be condemned by their parents. Rather, they need to know they’ll be loved and accepted (although they’ll have to live with the consequences of their actions, of course!) When your teen has wronged you, forgive them. Restore them. Move on. (See the story of Jesus and Simon Peter in the Gospel of John as an example of this.)

 

Connectedness.  This is a big one for me personally! Kids need to feel connected to their parents. Your children regard your presence as a sign of caring and connectedness (even when they don’t seem to do so!) Utilize the “Power of Being There.” This sounds so simple, but don’t underestimate the positive message you are giving your kids by watching those games, driving them all around the county or being with them in one of the hundreds of other ways you are present in their lives. You don’t have to be present with your kids 24/7, but your presence gives them a greater sense of security than almost anything else you can offer them. All studies on positive family living tell us that meaningful times families spend together are well worth it. Soccer moms: it’s worth it! Dads who leave work early to watch the game: it’s worth it. Single parents: as tired as you may be if you continue to find the time to go on special outings with your kids, you will reap the benefits now and later in your family life.

 

Discipline. Clearly expressed expectations and consistent follow-through produce responsible kids. The purpose of parental discipline is to teach responsibility. Unfortunately, for many of us parents, our primary objective is evoking obedience instead. And, to be perfectly honest, most of us try to do the “discipline thing” when we’re upset, tired, or frustrated . . . really in no shape to do so. Okay – so where do we begin? Well, for openers, recognize that good parenting involves training our children in the areas of choices and consequences. In fact, the guiding force for parenting is found in Proverbs 22:6 – “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” Keep that promise in mind at all times when you are sticking to your strategy and you won’t be disappointed. When it comes to molding your children’s lives through discipline, our kids need us always to show respect, even in the midst of tension. We can disagree with our children and still be able to communicate. All relationships have conflict, but a relationship between two people whose spirits are open to each other can take the conflict in stride and work through it in love.

Source: Homeword

Editor’s Note: We would like to know what you think? dan@youngchronicle.com

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