Garry Marshall vs. Lori Marshall: On Decorating

by Garry and Lori Marshall
May 24, 2009

 

 

 

The veteran Hollywood director and his daughter argue over intelligent design or a waste of time.

MOM LORI: My boyfriend wanted to see a picture of me as a teenager and I showed him the famous one.

POP GARRY: Of you standing by the concrete slab?

MOM LORI: Not many people have that kind of a photo.

POP GARRY: What did he think?

MOM LORI: He was surprised. He thought the photo was extremely princess-y of me.

POP GARRY: And you are not that way anymore?

MOM LORI: Nah. I hung up my teenage tiara for good.

POP GARRY: Not many teenage girls have the audacity to instruct a contractor to make her new bedroom six feet longer than it was supposed to be. Without discussing it with her parents first, no less.

MOM LORI: Mom was kind of mad at me back then.

POP GARRY: If my memory serves correctly, I believe she tried to strangle you when we got home from the cruise and found out.

MOM LORI: But I thought the room was going to be too small.

POP GARRY: Clearly.

MOM LORI: But then the room turned out to be way too huge when it was done.

POP GARRY: Reminiscent of a football field with a canopy bed on the 50-yard line.

MOM LORI: But why did the contractor listen to me anyway? I was only a teenager.

POP GARRY: Ah, you’ve hit upon one of the most difficult problems in the history of Western Civilization: How to win an argument with a teenage girl? Impossible.

MOM LORI: Teenage boys aren’t as difficult?

POP GARRY: Not particularly. And they certainly don’t scream, throw purple eye shadow, and flip their hair around as ferociously.

MOM LORI: But to a teenage girl, your own room is the most special place you have. A private space. As Virginia Woolf wrote – “A Room of One’s Own.”

POP GARRY: Teenage girls should find a way to personalize their private space without spending too much money. A nice area rug. Something in shag.

MOM LORI: Remember when we used to have hardwood floors until Kathleen fell out of the top of the bunk bed?

POP GARRY: Carpeting is definitely better for breaking falls. And what about signage? That’s cheap.

MOM LORI: Like “No parents allowed?” or “Knock before entering?”

POP GARRY: You used to have a funny one that said, “I only talk during TV commercials.” Signs are affordable and so is painting a bedroom.

MOM LORI: What’s a good color for my teenagers, your granddaughters?

POP GARRY: I read some place that red is a stimulating color and yellow is good if you have asthma or want to sleep a lot. So I would steer clear of yellow. Teenagers sleep enough.

MOM LORI: What about everything else? Where do you draw the line? At chintz? At leopard? At fur and leather?

POP GARRY: Definitely at concrete.

MOM LORI: There’s all of this pressure in the catalogues – like Pottery Barn Teen and Children’s Ikea – to give your kids the coolest and hippest room. How can people afford it?

POP GARRY: I like Ikea.

MOM LORI: You’ve never been to Ikea.

POP GARRY: No, but I want to go. I hear everything there is very peppy and cheap. I think Virginia Woolf would have liked to go to Ikea to decorate her room.

MOM LORI: It is a fun place. And they have good Swedish meatballs there, too.

POP GARRY: Let’s take a field trip to Ikea.

MOM LORI: Okay! How much should the overall budget be?

POP GARRY: Is $100 enough?

MOM LORI: Sounds low, Dad.

POP GARRY: Yes, but you gotta start with some kind of budget and work within it.

MOM LORI: I like that idea. Very Suze Orman of you. Never leave home without a shopping list to guide you and your wallet.

POP GARRY: And I think teens should do what I did in the old days in the Bronx. Decorate with junk.

MOM LORI: I think today they would refer to it as “slightly worn” or “vintage.”

POP GARRY: Exactly. Vintage is cheaper than new stuff. Get creative. Put up pictures of sports heroes. Rock-and-rollers. TV stars. Charlotte should hang up posters from her favorite television show House, for example.

MOM LORI: But I won’t let her use tape or put thumbtacks up because it will ruin the walls.

POP GARRY: So frame them or find another way.

MOM LORI: Lily is into local politics and I can decorate her room with framed pictures of local politicians.

POP GARRY: Very PC of her. You see, you are officially over being a princess.

MOM LORI: I’m trying. But please don’t tell my daughters that I was ever a princess.

POP GARRY: It’s okay. If you ever feel like getting princess-y again, call me and I’ll send you some concrete.

MOM LORI: No. No. I’m blocking out that memory from my past.

POP GARRY: Don’t do that. It’s a good memory. Something beneficial came out of the experience for everyone involved. I bet that contractor never worked with a teenage girl again.
 

Source: Grandparents