Do You Know What Makes a Real Dad?

By Dan Samaria
Publisher/GCC
June 15, 2013

We have had so much response since I first wrote this in June 20, 2010, that I want to share with you again.

I have had so many readers who figured out that I was David. We had the most hits on this story for this day.

We hope that you enjoy it and pass it around to everyone you know.

This is a story about a man (we will call him David) who has worked with kids all his life, but was never blessed by God of haven’t any of his own.

Throughout his life he always enjoyed helping others, especially those children that didn’t have a father in their life.

You might ask yourself why?

David never had the opportunity of having a loving father being there when he went to bed or woke up in the morning. Or having one that would go to his baseball game and cheer him on.

The best way to describe it is there is a song by Bob Carlisle called “Butterfly Kisses”. If you have not heard it, I strongly suggest that you get it.

It is about a dad who sings about his daughter as she is getting ready to start her new life with her husband.

It reminded him of his butterfly kisses that he received or gave to his daughter as she was growing up. I don’t want to say any more. I don’t want to mess up his message.

When David was 10 he was put into a home for kids whose parents didn’t want them.

Where he was abused, locked in closets where he was given medication to keep him quite. He spent 3 years there.

The only thing that saved him was his faith in GOD and a police officer  who came by to visit him on a daily basis. He taught him that he was special and that it was not his fault for being there.

This man showed him the true meaning of being a DAD. He always reminded David that what makes a dad is someone who is there for others.

He reminded him that it takes more than being related to a child by blood, to be a “real” Dad.

David has always lived by that, as he always worked with children especially those, that didn’t have a father in their lives. He wanted to be sure that no child would go through what he had been through.

He wanted to work with big brothers, but he was turned down because he would be too close to the child. Let me say this first, the big brothers that he applied to work with was in New York.

They only wanted him to see the child only on Saturdays and to have no other attachment to that child on any other time I am not saying this is all the Big Brother Programs.

David felt that he couldn’y give part time love, because he felt that a child needed full time love.

Today, David is still not married but he feels lucky and as if he is a father.

He hopes that he has made a difference in four children’s lives.

First one, he was there to teach a little girl how to ride a bike, help her with her homework and just be there so she could say things that she would only say to her dad.

Girls are close to their dads as boys to their moms. David befriended and even played “girly” games with her.

Second one David has been there for another girl since her father died when she was 12. He never tried to replace her father, but to be there when she needed someone.

The next two are brother and sister, this one is really hard on him. To protect the kids we will call them Alice and Sam.

To this day they are his kids even though they were adopted by someone else. Of course a mom and dad. I am jumping ahead of the story.

David became a foster parent to adopt both of them. He knew it would be hard, but they were worth fighting for.

He knew their history and that their father was not in their lives. He fell in love with them from the first day he seen them.

He was single and the system usually want to place children with two parents.

David told them that just because they have a mother and father doesn’t make them good parents.

During this process David went through hell, they looked at every part of his life. They even knew what color of diaper he wore as a baby.

The worst part about it he and the children were lead to believe that the system was going to work with him so that he could adopt them both which was never the case.

Alice was kept at his friend’s house since she was the foster parent and he took in Sam

Since the foster parent and David were friends this was suppose to make it easy for them when they came up for adoption.

David felt hopeless that he had no say in Alice’s life and would not be able to share the everyday life of a dad. He would only be allowed to see her when the foster mom would allow it.

When it was just those two everything was great. When others got involved things changed for the worse.

David felt alive and happy when they were around.

He would wake up every day sit down with Sam they would eat breakfast together they would talk about how Sam was doing in school and the day before, watch cartoons together.

Than they would get ready for school Sam always enjoyed his dad talking him.

David would always park about a half a block away. This was done at Sam’s request he wanted to hold his dad’s hands tightly as they talked while walking to class.

They both enjoyed this time together. Sam hated when his dad left.

As they arrived to the classroom Sam would turn to David and say “see you later dad” they would say together at the same time ‘love you’.

He would always talk to his teacher before class asked her how he was doing. He told the teacher he would always do the homework together with Sam.

And if they was no check mark that means he didn’t see it.

The teacher was not aware that he really wasn’t Sam’s father she would learn later differently. She approached David to tell him that he was more Sam’s father than others are to their kids.

After school Sam was picked up by bus for his after school program. David picked him up after work.

He always made time to play with Sam at the park they would play football or baseball before they went home.

When they got home, they would sit down together and work on Sam’s homework.  David would never do it because Sam wanted to do it himself.

One time David forgot to put check mark on it. Sam said “dad you forgot” he always enjoyed him sitting with him while he was doing his homework.

While David was cooking dinner Sam would watch TV, but sometimes he wanted to help.

They had a guinea pig name “Buddy” and Sam always cleaned the cage. He took so long because Sam wanted it done right.

When the system tried to put Sam on medication, it was David who fought to stop it.  He requested that the school do an evaluation on him to see why he was having so much trouble in school.

David was stepping on a lot of people’s toes especially the guardian who was assigned by the court.

The children were in his life for only 5 months and three weeks. He would find out later that if he had him one more week they would have to go to court to take him out of David’s life.

They knew that.

I would like to tell you how the kids reacted when they were with him.

They loved him and they would do things as a family. The best way to explain is it is to tell you a story.

David took Alice and Sam to the store to buy some toys.  A man approached him and said what beautiful kids you have.

David told the man that they were kids that he was going to adopt.

David could see that Alice was upset, when they got home.

He would say what I did wrong whatever it was I am sorry.

Alice told David that “I was upset that the man knew I was a foster kid not that you were going to be my dad.”

It brought tears to his eyes as they hugged.

When they were all together they did things like a family. One time David allowed Alice to make him up with makeup when Alice had her friends over.

The girls would laugh and David would hear them say “your dad is cool”.

Even though David only had them for 5 months and three weeks, it felt like a life time.

What happened next was very upsetting to David that lives with him today.

Sam was not good one morning nothing serious, he took too long to get dressed  David was upset with him.

As they arrived at the school everything was okay, Sam would always hold David’s hand s as they worked to the class.

David would give him a hug and the boy would turn around and say “good bye dad see you later”. They did this every day.

The teachers and people in the front office at the kid’s school loved David; they could see that he was a better parent than some of the others.

So when DCF and the guardian were doing something they informed him, which was illegal for them to do.

David received a call from someone at the school informing him that DCF was here to get Sam. When David arrived at the school they informed that Sam has been taken by DCF,

David called the guardian, but she wouldn’t answer, so he called the social worker. Who informed him that they don’t have to tell him anything!

To this day he remembers the exact time and day that he lost his kids. It was Feb. 11 at 1:45 p.m. Every 11 at 1:45 p.m. he breaks down and cries.

It is now 65 months since he lost his kids. Thank God he had always taken a lot of pictures of them, and he also kept a daily journal from the first day that he got them and still does even today.

Since he has lost them there have been times that he has seen them, but he has not said anything not even Hi, but he was afraid of what would come out of his mouth, of what he might say.

David’s answer when asked why he didn’t he say anything when he saw them. He was afraid  he would say I love you both and that I did fight for you both and I still want to adopt you today.

He wanted the kids to hate him and get on with their lives with their new family.  He knew that was the right thing to do.

And when they turn 18 and if they decided to look him up he would tell them the whole story with the paperwork in his fight to get them and the journal that he keeps to this day.

There were people in the DCF that were on his side but they couldn’t do anything to help him, but they always let him know what was going on.

Sam was told by one of the social workers that David took Sam to the school and told DCF to pick him up, because he didn’t want him anymore, which was a LIE?

You tell me is this the true meaning of being a DAD?

Please Dads be there for your kids, give them “Butterfly Kisses” every chance you can. You will never know when that day will end that they are no longer in your life.

Take pictures, keep journals and always be there when they need you even if they don’t want you to.

They will always want and love you if you are.

 

 

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